Shut up!

Shut up!

You don’t know!

Be quiet!

I have heard these words so many times in my life that I actually started to believe them. Maybe I actually know NOTHING, maybe I should shut up and be quiet. See here’s the thing about hearing these things — they’ve silenced me. You may know me as a laid back and quiet individual; however, if you know me you’ll also know that at times I can also be as goofy as the rest of the world. That’s the part that many are not privy to.

Here’s the thing. As far back as I can remember I can vividly hear the words “shut up”. I was told to shut up so much that I legitimately started to believe that everything I had to say had no meaning behind it, that it wasn’t important, and that nobody cared to hear it. So I turned to writing, I wrote everything I felt because nobody could tell me to shut up if I was silent. It wasn’t until recently that someone looked me in my face and told me the truth — that the freedom I’ve been searching for will come when I open my mouth and speak. It’s hard to accept the words “speak up” when you’re told so often to “shut up”.

In a group of people you’ll usually find me about 5 steps behind the group. Although my voice may be strong through my writing, in a group there are others that will over talk me. I stopped fighting to be heard. I’m very introverted, I observe everything, and I take notes. I love people watching and being around people; however, I’ll most likely say little to nothing if anything at all. I listen intently and because of that I’ve learned so much.

I wholeheartedly believe that some people may not take my words seriously, and those will be the ones to tell me to get over it. But they’re probably the ones that have also told me to shut up. I’m not angry about it at all. Being told to shut up has taught me so much. Being silent has taught me how to listen, how to observe, how to show compassion. By watching the conversations of others unfold I’ve realized that it’s probably a great thing that I’ve been pretty quiet for years.

There is one misconception though, many people have confused people being quiet as a sign of low intellect. You can take what you want from that, but my mother took great pride in our academics and studies.

The biggest question I’ve always had is if life and death are in the power of the tongue, what happens to the individual that the masses have silenced?